I can’t do it anymore people, I’m loosing my mind here. The Covid-19 has crossed one too many lines and now I’m putting up my white flag as a sign of surrender. It can have the planet, I’ll go inhabit a new one, preferably mars because it has the most potential of having livable conditions. There is a nice area called Tia Villes that I, as of now, am claiming ownership of (I’m pulling a real Columbus here), I’ve already contacted NASA and they said if I can get there then I can have it. So I have enough food to last me a few years, and I remodeled an old fishing boat to an air-tight ship, I then bought enough fireworks to at least get me to the Exosphere, and from there I’m just gonna use inertia to push me the rest of the way there.

I suppose you need some reasons to why I have gone mad enough to go to Mars, so here they are: Online school is more difficult than regular school and I’m not ok with that, My family is driving me insane in the membrane because of quarantine, I turned 18 years old during the first week of the Stay-at-Home order (yes I know my title is defective now but I’ll address that in another article…. calm down Karen) and all I wanted was a tattoo and now that can’t happen, Our government is a joke and I’ve decided to start another one on Mars (positions are available for Vice President, Speaker of the house ect.), and man oh man do I miss movie theaters!

So there. I gave you my reasons for why I am going to Mars, so if you would like to join me then send me an email, and if you wanna stay, I wish you good luck. On April 30, look to the stars and try and see my ship as a I fly away to my new home…. Hasta la Vista earthlings.

Thank you Kesha for being the guest performer on my blog, and as for everyone else, you’re welcome for getting that song stuck in your head ;). For real though, what is it with this app Tik Tok, I’m not criticizing anyone (because I’m just as addicted to it), but why is it soooo popular. To me it feels like one day it was an app that you danced on and then the next, EVERY single person had it.

It’s not the app itself that makes me angry, it’s the content. Some of the videos are really, really, funny and I find myself getting sucked into binge watching Tik Toks for hours on end (like, have you ever started watching them before bed, and it’s like, 9:30 and then all of a sudden you look down at the app and then when you look back at the clock it’s suddenly 1:30 in the morning, ya… don’t lie, I know it happened to you). Another thing that I can’t stand is the amount of kids that use the app, I get it if you want to make a silly little video with your friends and post it, but for the love of Chuck Norris, I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THESE KIDS “throw it back”. Why? Because now I’m probably on a list somewhere, all because Karen, is to occupied talking on her phone to see that her daughter and or son are in the living room doing dance moves that I’m pretty sure I saw on that new movie Hustlers.

A couple other things before I end this rant, I understand that this is an amazing platform to share new ideas and content, but people like Lil Huddy make me sooo angry (maybe it’s just because I can’t get hair like his) and the Hype house…. Hype house? that’s the best you can do when naming an entire house of influencers… I just…ugh… I don’t know, but now I’m all heated at Tik Tok and Lil Huddy and his 15 year old girlfriend. Alright I think that about raps up todays rant, thanks for reading, don’t hate me too bad for hating on the app…… I’m gonna go cool off by watching some Tik Toks.

I’m gonna start this blog off with a poem I wrote my sophomore year of High School, it is called:

An Ode to Coffee 

It’s as dark as the midnight sky,

The smell is a strong warrior,

Ripping through the earliest of mornings,

The taste sends your mouth on an

Adventure it’s never been on before 

Late nights, 

Or early mornings

Coffee is there, identical to a friend 

Helping you through that long-lasting day 

Every step of the way

Coffee is electricity 

Its desire is to be my power 

To keep me going, 

Even when I’ve had enough 

And I’m sure 

I can’t go on 

It assures me that I can

The moral of my ode is:

No matter the situation 

Coffee will always be 

Right there, at my side

Ok, so listen, I’m not addicted to coffee per say…. but I do like the occasional cup, or two, or three, or… you know what it doesn’t matter, the point is I am a BIG fan of dirt water. Please forgive me for what I’m about to say but my favorite type of coffee is…. straight black… oops, my bad, but really, sorry I’m not sorry because you can’t knock it until you try it. So it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t give a little back story to when this addic… or, I mean guilty pleasure (Is that better, probably not) began, It was my freshmen year of High School and finals were approaching and I like all things, had procrastinated doing anything at all (typical me), and I was really deep into studying when all of a sudden I just got really, REALLY tired, and so I was like, “well what can I do to get rid of this tired feeling without developing a cocaine addiction (I’m just kidding, for real), and I was like oh, coffee, of course (I think at the time I just wanted to be like a cool High School kid who showed up with their coffee….and I was ;).

So at first I have to admit, I used a lot of sugar and creamer, but after every cup I just kept using less and less until one day I just stopped using it. And to this day I still have black coffee almost every morning (sometimes I do have different types, like Mochas, Lattes, Espressos, Americanos, etc.). Before you ask, OF COURSE I have a system to my coffee drinking schedule, If I wake up late and it’s around 9:30-12:30, I might hold off on getting a coffee until later or maybe I’ll substitute it with an energy drink (what kind you may ask? The white monsters, duh.), but if it’s passed 1 in the afternoon and I want a coffee, it has to be ICED, anything else is unacceptable (not really I just prefer it).

Ok, so basically, if you haven’t gotten what I’m trying to put across is that I like, really, really, really, really, really, really, like coffee, like a lot, and if any of you know anyone who owns a coffee brand or shop or something, and they want a “new face” of the company I’m like totally down… *cough *cough Starbucks *cough Maxwell *cough Nescafe *cough. Oh and just one more thing before I end this…. FOLGERS IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE FOR OF COFFEE AND I WILL STAND BY THAT UNTIL THE GODS OF COFFE TAKE ME TO COFFEE LAND…. ok, that’s it, thank you for coming to my ted talk.

Alright, you know what’s coming…. for most of us 17 year old’s, the time has come where we have to start doing “Adult” things, such as college applications, tax returns, financial aid, car payments, and whether or not to sell your left kidney for 10 grand (totally thought about it once or twice). Now don’t get me wrong, I am to the point in my life where I want to move out (reasons discussed in blog 1, which I am still salty about) and be my own independent person, but with this comes all of this bogus responsibly that not even real adults want to deal with. Let’s be real, the first couple of years into adult hood (17-19) is like a “trial” run, for example, wanna drop $20,000 at the age of 18 on an education? Go right ahead your financially experienced enough, right? Wanna take a leap year and stay at home with your parents who were totally expecting you to move out and are now on your back about “getting a job” or “take SOME classes at a local tech college” or “stop taking 20’s from my wallet”.

Yes, this glorious time that we are all approaching is truly the make or break in our modernized survival of the fittest society. But if we really want to get into talking about survival of the fittest than let’s touch on the subject of college applications…. you know, those things that determine if you’re good enough for that one thing that you’ve wanted to do since you were 12 (no pressure). Filling these applications out was the most stressful period in my life, why? Because when you overthink (as I do almost never *insert eye roll) you will proof read your essay’s, eh, about 9000 times to make sure everything is perfect, and then you spend so much time and effort on getting your personal information so accurate, that it’s down to the milliseconds you were born. Once you are finished you have this feeling that can only be described as the feeling that Leonardo Da Vinci must have felt when he finished the Last Supper painting….. and you just know it’s a masterpiece, and then, those colleges have the balls to ask YOU for MONEY…..like, “hello, I know you just spent 16 straight consecutive hours on this application…. but like….can I have $55 to consider your admission and then maybe accept you?”, and we’re just like “I mean su-…sure I guess”. (You can’t tell because your behind a computer screen (#forthwallbreakwithinaforthwallbrakesoit’slikeaneighthwallbreak) but I’m getting heated up in cyber space)

Then comes the best part of all…. waiting, day, after day, after day, after day, you wait so long that you, a 17 year old person born in the 21st century, start checking the mailbox EVERYDAY for like 3 months, until one day the letter of determination comes, and it’s like everything in your life has led up to this moment and all you have to do is open that letter and see what your future has to bring to you, and then BOOM! You just had a anxiety attack about the letter that you just got and that you’ve been waiting to arrive for so so, so, so, so, long and now your panicking about what it says on the inside and you just feel lhjdfopdhgtghnvnfjrogfhaeuoghuirhnvlafdnjgohfoajngreohjgreoihbvfdnba (this is the best I can do with a visual representation of a Tyler panic attack). You finally, get the small drip of confidence to open that letter, sweat just dripping from you oversized forehead…. the anticipation, killing you every second….. every motion you make unfolding the pages is giving off the same vibes as diffusing a bomb, you finally get to the determination letter…. and it says……… well, I don’t know what it says because I’M STILL WAITING FOR A DAMN RESPONSE.